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Children may stay by their parents' bedside for days, but the moment they step away for a short break — whether to the bathroom, store, or to make a phone call — the parent may pass away. Similarly, a parent may die just hours before a child arrives from another city or country.
This can lead to feelings of guilt, but it’s often a deliberate choice by the parent to spare their child from witnessing their death.
This can lead to feelings of guilt, but it’s often a deliberate choice by the parent to spare their child from witnessing their death.
As death approaches, consciousness "folds inward." The dying spend more time in sleep, between worlds, and less in contact with their surroundings. However, there are instances where, in their final days or hours, they may experience a sudden burst of clarity and even express hunger, requesting a favorite meal.
Loved ones unaware of this phenomenon may interpret it as a sign of recovery, making the subsequent death even more painful. These moments (hours or minutes) of lucidity should be cherished as opportunities to say what’s important and share one last meaningful connection.
Loved ones unaware of this phenomenon may interpret it as a sign of recovery, making the subsequent death even more painful. These moments (hours or minutes) of lucidity should be cherished as opportunities to say what’s important and share one last meaningful connection.
This includes touch perception. A hand placed on the dying person’s hand might feel unbearably heavy, causing discomfort and leading them to instinctively withdraw. Loved ones might misinterpret this as rejection or anger, but it’s actually physical discomfort.
In such cases, placing your hand under theirs can be more comfortable. Sitting behind the dying person, allowing them to lean against you, can also provide comforting closeness.
In such cases, placing your hand under theirs can be more comfortable. Sitting behind the dying person, allowing them to lean against you, can also provide comforting closeness.
People nearing death eat less and have a reduced desire to eat. For loved ones, this can be hard to accept because of the strong association between eating and living. Encouraging a dying person to eat might be easier than confronting the helplessness that comes with their impending death.
Loved ones often go to great lengths to get them to eat something, but for the dying, with their diminishing appetite and digestive capacity, eating can be distressing. It’s essential to allow the dying person not to eat when they don’t feel like it.
At the same time, finding a safe space to process one’s feelings of powerlessness and despair is crucial because it’s natural to want to feed a loved one to reassure oneself that death isn’t imminent.
Loved ones often go to great lengths to get them to eat something, but for the dying, with their diminishing appetite and digestive capacity, eating can be distressing. It’s essential to allow the dying person not to eat when they don’t feel like it.
At the same time, finding a safe space to process one’s feelings of powerlessness and despair is crucial because it’s natural to want to feed a loved one to reassure oneself that death isn’t imminent.
All bodily systems function differently during dying
Parents often choose to die without their children present
The digestive system is one of the first to shut down
Consciousness becomes clouded before death
Surely, every death is unique, but certain patterns are worth understanding. Knowing these can help prevent unnecessary guilt, resentment, regrets, or unrealistic hopes.
4 Things to Know About Dying
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Surely, every death is unique, but certain patterns are worth understanding. Knowing these can help prevent unnecessary guilt, resentment, regrets, or unrealistic hopes.
4 Things to Know About Dying
People nearing death eat less and have a reduced desire to eat. For loved ones, this can be hard to accept because of the strong association between eating and living. Encouraging a dying person to eat might be easier than confronting the helplessness that comes with their impending death.
Loved ones often go to great lengths to get them to eat something, but for the dying, with their diminishing appetite and digestive capacity, eating can be distressing. It’s essential to allow the dying person not to eat when they don’t feel like it.
At the same time, finding a safe space to process one’s feelings of powerlessness and despair is crucial because it’s natural to want to feed a loved one to reassure oneself that death isn’t imminent.
Loved ones often go to great lengths to get them to eat something, but for the dying, with their diminishing appetite and digestive capacity, eating can be distressing. It’s essential to allow the dying person not to eat when they don’t feel like it.
At the same time, finding a safe space to process one’s feelings of powerlessness and despair is crucial because it’s natural to want to feed a loved one to reassure oneself that death isn’t imminent.
This includes touch perception. A hand placed on the dying person’s hand might feel unbearably heavy, causing discomfort and leading them to instinctively withdraw. Loved ones might misinterpret this as rejection or anger, but it’s actually physical discomfort.
In such cases, placing your hand under theirs can be more comfortable. Sitting behind the dying person, allowing them to lean against you, can also provide comforting closeness.
In such cases, placing your hand under theirs can be more comfortable. Sitting behind the dying person, allowing them to lean against you, can also provide comforting closeness.
As death approaches, consciousness "folds inward." The dying spend more time in sleep, between worlds, and less in contact with their surroundings. However, there are instances where, in their final days or hours, they may experience a sudden burst of clarity and even express hunger, requesting a favorite meal.
Loved ones unaware of this phenomenon may interpret it as a sign of recovery, making the subsequent death even more painful. These moments (hours or minutes) of lucidity should be cherished as opportunities to say what’s important and share one last meaningful connection.
Loved ones unaware of this phenomenon may interpret it as a sign of recovery, making the subsequent death even more painful. These moments (hours or minutes) of lucidity should be cherished as opportunities to say what’s important and share one last meaningful connection.
Children may stay by their parents' bedside for days, but the moment they step away for a short break — whether to the bathroom, store, or to make a phone call — the parent may pass away. Similarly, a parent may die just hours before a child arrives from another city or country.
This can lead to feelings of guilt, but it’s often a deliberate choice by the parent to spare their child from witnessing their death.
This can lead to feelings of guilt, but it’s often a deliberate choice by the parent to spare their child from witnessing their death.
Checklist for preparing for death
Many nuances of funeral planning can be addressed in advance
Writing an agreement or simply discussing the topic with relatives and funeral agencies can ease the difficult days following a loved one’s death. It can also relieve unnecessary stress and guilt about whether everything was done “correctly.”
In many countries, there is a concept of a pre-arranged funeral agreement or declaration of intent.
This document specifies the method of burial, whether cremation or interment. It can also detail the religious or cultural traditions to be observed during the farewell ceremony. Choices regarding the coffin, bedding, location of the service, music, and other details can also be included.
Such an agreement is honored, as long as it complies with the laws of the country. For this reason, creating such an agreement is highly encouraged. If you wish for a farewell ceremony in nature or have other specific requests that require preparation, it’s better to plan for them in advance. This ensures that loved ones know who can handle the arrangements and where to obtain the necessary items.
In theory, it is possible to organize a turnkey funeral where relatives would only need to send a single message to the agency with which the agreement was made. While not all organizations offer such services, it is feasible if the cost and annual adjustments for inflation are clearly discussed beforehand.
Relatives often don’t know how the deceased would have wanted their farewell to be conducted or whether everything was done "correctly." If someone says they don’t care about the specifics, this removes the burden of responsibility from their loved ones. However, to avoid ambiguity, it’s important to clarify and discuss these matters in advance. This ensures clarity on how the farewell ceremony should be organized. Such an agreement can be seen as the deceased’s final act of care for their loved ones.
In theory, it is possible to organize a turnkey funeral where relatives would only need to send a single message to the agency with which the agreement was made. While not all organizations offer such services, it is feasible if the cost and annual adjustments for inflation are clearly discussed beforehand.
Relatives often don’t know how the deceased would have wanted their farewell to be conducted or whether everything was done "correctly." If someone says they don’t care about the specifics, this removes the burden of responsibility from their loved ones. However, to avoid ambiguity, it’s important to clarify and discuss these matters in advance. This ensures clarity on how the farewell ceremony should be organized. Such an agreement can be seen as the deceased’s final act of care for their loved ones.
Key Takeaway
The form of the agreement is less important than its existence. It can even be an oral instruction. The primary goal is to provide clarity for relatives on how the dying person envisions the farewell to their body after death.